Early Morning Introspection
by NettieC
Summary: On a cold and frosty December morning, Elliot comes to a realisation which changes his life...with a little help from Queen. Oneshot! R&R, please.


**Disclaimer: None of it's mine, never have been, never will be...unless of course you count...no, wait, that was a dream.**

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Five minutes before six on a frosty Wednesday morning saw Elliot sitting in his still cold car, waiting for Olivia out the front of her apartment. An early morning wake up call telling him they had a rape victim at Mercy General brought him to her place. He tooted the car horn twice, not wanting to get out and face the bitterness of the morning again. Olivia's response came in the form of a brief text message 'Sorry El – 10 mins'.

Elliot jammed the heater up as high as he could, pulled his collar up and shoved his hands into his pockets. The radio droned on with endless commercials before Queen's song 'You're my best friend' sang out. He rested his head on the seat, closed his eyes and for the first time actually listened to the lyrics. It surprised him the only visions which came were of Olivia.

_Ooo. you make me live  
whatever this world can give to me  
It's you, you're all I see  
Ooo, you make me live now honey  
Ooo, you make me live  
You're the best friend  
that I ever had  
I've been with you such a long time  
You're my sunshine  
And I want you to know  
That my feelings are true  
I really love you  
You're my best friend  
Ooo, you make me live  
I've been wandering round  
But I still come back to you  
In rain or shine  
You've stood by me girl  
I'm happy, happy at home  
You're my best friend.  
You're the first one  
When things turn out bad  
You know I'll never be lonely  
You're my only one  
And I love  
The things that you do  
You're my best friend  
Ooo, you make me live.  
I'm happy, happy at home  
You're my best friend  
You're my best friend  
Ooo, you make me live  
You, you're my best friend._

There were visions of Olivia sitting at her desk staring intently at him, Olivia working at her computer, the glow of the monitor making her eyes glisten. Olivia sitting next to him on their way to some call or other, her perfume staying with him, long after she'd gone. Olivia at the bar swirling the ice cubes in her drink, laughing at some comment of Munch's. Olivia chatting with Casey, her guard down and her face animated with delight. Olivia hanging out with his kids, relaxed and friendly.

It was to his utter surprise he realised Olivia was his life; he was, in fact, _in_ love with her. He had known for quite a while he loved her, what man in his right mind wouldn't? He'd bet his right arm Fin, Munch and Don loved her too. But this was different, he was in love with her, not just lust, not just wanting to get her into bed but love, the happily ever after, forever and ever love, something he had never had with Kathy and that realisation shook him to the core.

He had spent the last few years of his marriage, his separation and the time since his divorce telling himself she was his work partner and that was it. He had encased himself in denial and was happy living that way. He got to see her everyday and couldn't, no, wouldn't, ask for more, but denial wasn't going to be a place he could escape to anymore.

Vigorously Elliot shook his head. How the hell had this happened? When did he cross that line between loving her and being in love with her? Why did he come to this revelation pre-dawn on a Wednesday morning in December? And the $64,000 question: what the hell was he supposed to do about it now?

The song long over, he was still in his realisation induced shock when Olivia opened the car door and slid into the passenger's seat.

"Morning El," she said brightly, as she clicked in her seatbelt.

"Er, ah, morning Olivia," he replied, trying to shake himself out of his daze. The scent of her perfume not helping matters at all.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, I just couldn't seem to get my act together this morning," she apologised.

"That's okay," Elliot replied, "having difficulties of my own this morning."

Olivia scanned the car, then the street, before looking back at Elliot and wondering why he still hadn't started the engine.

"Any reason why we're not going?" Olivia asked after another minute passed.

"Oh, no, sorry, just not quite awake I guess," Elliot said, before turning the key and bringing the car to life. He scanned the street and pulled the car into traffic.

They travelled along in silence and although it wasn't unusual for them to be this quiet in the early hours of a working day, Olivia knew it was a different type of silence. She couldn't help but wonder if she had done something wrong because the way he was looking at her just wasn't right.

Just as she was about to broach the subject Elliot pulled the car into the police parking bay at the hospital and her chance was gone. They climbed out of the car and walked into the hospital. Elliot introduced them both to the young doctor on duty before they were ushered into the Trauma Room 2.

"Hi there, sweetie, my name's Olivia Benson, I'm a detective and this is my partner Elliot Stabler. Can you tell me your name?" Olivia asked gently as she sat on the bedside of their teenaged victim. The young girl shook her head and stared at Elliot, he had seen that look before –traumatised female rape victims often struggled with a male detective.

"I'll just go and call in, excuse me," Elliot said, before leaving the room and heading back to the nurses station.

Knowing Cragen probably still wouldn't be in he went into the staff break room and made himself a coffee. He was still in there when Olivia found him.

"Mmmm, smells good," she said, taking his mug and finishing it.

"When did you start drinking coffee again?" Elliot asked, smiling at her antics.

"Just now," Olivia replied. "A girl can only resist so much and fresh coffee first thing in the morning is just too tough." She flashed him a playful smile and although he'd seen it many times this time it went straight to his heart and made it skip a beat. "Are you okay, Elliot?"

"Yeah, fine," he recovered. "What did you find out in there?" He nodded in the direction of the trauma room.

"In there we have a sixteen year old by the name of Shelly Harrington," Olivia began. "Who was raped by her mother's live in boyfriend last night. Mother is in Kentucky after the grandmother had a stroke. Apparently this is not the first time but after Shelly realised she was still bleeding a few hours later she brought herself in."

"Got a name and address?" Elliot asked, business now the only thing on his mind.

"Yeah, William Harrison, here's his business card." Olivia handed Elliot the card with a list of contact details inscribed on it.

Twenty minutes they were at his doorstep but for all their pounding and yelling the door remained locked.

"Maybe he's left for work already," Olivia suggested as they descended the steps.

"Well, let's go get there then," Elliot replied, opening the car door for her. Olivia looked strangely at him it was the first time he'd done such a thing but she made no comment. She would talk to him when this case was over though. Elliot made his way around the vehicle with a shake of his head; he couldn't imagine why on earth he'd done it. Well, to be truthful, he knew why he just didn't know why he did it now.

Before long they were in the foyer of the Excelsior Tower and talking to the security guard.

"Yes ma'am, Mr Harrison arrived at 7.10 am, his usual time. He'll be up in his office. It's the ninth floor, you won't miss it. Shall I call and announce you?" the guard asked.

"Ah, no thanks…Steven," Elliot read the name from the ID card. "That won't be necessary."

It took Elliot and Olivia all of fifty five minutes to arrest William Harrison and have him seated in the interrogation room at the 16th precinct. By the time the man was charged and processed it was lunch time.

"Can I buy you lunch, El?" Olivia asked as she looked up from her paperwork.

"Um, eh, yeah I guess," Elliot replied, not at all sure lunch with Olivia was a good idea.

Seated at the coffee shop at the end of the block, Elliot looked over the menu. He'd read it three times before anything really registered.

"Sir?" The waitress was still waiting.

"Oh, um, whatever she's having is fine," Elliot finally answered before handing the menu back and clasping his hands together.

"What's up, El?" Olivia asked, concerned about her partner's behaviour.

"Nothing. Why do you ask?" he replied, hands still firmly clasped.

"Well, we've been here so often you know the menu by heart, you never eat anything I choose and you keep looking at me strangely," Olivia said, watching his face intently.

Elliot said nothing.

"Have I done something wrong?" she finally asked.

"NO!" he said loudly and abruptly, surprising even himself. "What I mean is no, Olivia, you haven't."

"And why do you keep calling me Olivia?" she asked.

"That's your name," he replied, confident in his answer for once.

"Yes it is, but usually I get Liv or even Livvy but today it's just been Olivia. Are you sure you're not mad with me?" she asked.

Elliot smiled, he definitely wasn't mad with her, quite the opposite, but telling her was just too difficult.

"Ah, a smile at last," Olivia said. "So, you want to tell me about it, El?"

"Um, yeah I do…Liv," he said, forcing himself to use her shortened name. "But not here and not now. How about dinner on Friday night?"

"Fine, Friday night is." Olivia smiled and nodded. "Sure it's not a date?" she added jokingly. It was enough to make Elliot choke on his Pepsi and cause him to splutter it back out over the table. He turned red with embarrassment and Olivia didn't know what to do.

The two and a half days between Wednesday lunch and Friday dinner were excruciatingly long. Both avoided the topic masterfully and Elliot was working overtime to ensure he didn't slip up and do the wrong thing, whatever that may be. They had one case and a mountain of paperwork to occupy their time but frequently Olivia would look up and find him pretending not to look her way.

Friday afternoon saw them split up; Elliot was in the squad room doing paper work while Olivia was out with Fin. Instead of coming back into the precinct she had Fin drop her off at her apartment. She and Elliot hadn't quite discussed where they'd go for dinner but Olivia wanted to look halfway decent.

She had showered, dried her hair and changed four times unable to decide on an outfit. By the time Elliot knocked on the door she had reverted back to tight fitting blue jeans and a long sleeved white tee. She'd see what he was wearing and change accordingly.

"Hi El," she said, swinging the door open. She couldn't help but laugh out loud when she noted Elliot's matching outfit.

"What's so funny, Olivia?" he asked.

"Nothing, come on in," she gestured.

"Look Olivia, I know we didn't decide on a place for dinner. I was hoping we could just order in. Is that alright with you?" Elliot asked.

"Sure, what do you feel like?" she asked and he had to bite his lower lip to prevent his first answer slipping out.

"Anything's fine by me. What do you want?" he asked.

"Chinese? We could order the usual. How does that sound, El?" she asked, moving towards the phone.

"Sounds good to me, Olivia."

The television on low provided some background noise but it did little to hide the uneasiness between Olivia and Elliot, the longer it went on the more self conscious he got. He knew it was his idea to have dinner and talk this through, it had also been his idea to stay in but now his ideas had some to fruition he had no clue as to what to do next.

Olivia settled beside him on the sofa.

"Talk to me, El," she finally said after watching him study intently the ad for Burger King on the TV. He considered the way he should phrase things. Coming straight out and saying 'well, Liv, it looks like I have fallen head over heels in love with you, so there you have it' didn't quite seem the way to go.

"El, we can talk this through," she said. "We've been together a long time and you're my best friend, you know that, right? He smiled at her use of the lyrics which had triggered this whole situation. He nodded.

"Whatever's happened, you can turn to me," she continued. He nodded again. Then silence ensued.

Both jumped when the delivery man kbanged on the door. Elliot got up and paid the man before setting the bag down on the coffee table. He opened the bag and gave Olivia hers but she set it back down on the table, knowing she couldn't eat until this ever expanding knot in her stomach disappeared. She also knew the only way this was going to happen was by Elliot actually talking to her and telling her what was going on.

"Aren't you eating?" he asked, noting her actions but she shook her head.

"Not until you talk to me, Elliot," she said, before reaching out and taking his food from him.

"Look Olivia," he began before taking a deep breath. Instinctively Olivia reached out and took his hands in hers. He looked at their joined hands and then up into her face. For the first time he noticed just how scared she looked. "No, Liv, Livvy," he said quickly. "It's nothing bad, really. I mean I don't think it's bad, you might but it's not really…bad." He shook his head after stumbling through his little speech.

"Then what it is, El? Please just tell me." The waiting was becoming too much.

"Liv, something's happened. I don't know when exactly and I don't really know how but it has happened and for the life of me I just don't know what to do," he finally said, but it gave her no relief.

"What is it that happened? Something with one of the kids? With Kathy? What?" Her mind was spinning; she'd never known Elliot to be so confused.

"No, not with anyone else, with me…with you," he said quietly.

"What happened?" she asked, grasping his hands more tightly, hoping it would give her answers.

"It…um…seems that…um… somewhere along the way…I…um…" He stopped and drew a breath. "Let me start again. The other morning I came to the realisation that I…well, it seems I…" He stopped again and shook his head. He'd never done anything so difficult in his life.

Olivia scooted along the sofa and put her hands to his face, desperate for him to complete a sentence.

"What did you do?" she asked, holding his face in front of hers and making him look at her.

"I fell in love with you."

Olivia dropped her hands but continued to stare at him. She went to speak and then stopped. Elliot had little else to say. A short silence followed.

"You fell in love with me?" Olivia finally asked.

"Yeah, I did Liv," he said, dropping his head.

"And this is the bad thing that's really not that bad that you don't know what to do about?" she asked, repeating his earlier words.

"Aha," he muttered.

"Elliot, look at me," Olivia softly ordered, he did. "What would you like to do about it?" she asked as her eyes sparkled.

He gave her a half smile and raised his eyebrows, she could read his mind.

"Then do it," she whispered.

Elliot moved forward and kissed her. Gently at first but when he realised she was responding in kind, he deepened the kiss and tangled his fingers through her hair. In all too short a time, she broke away.

"You want to know something, Elliot?" she asked, still breathless.

"What?" he managed, noting the deepening colour of her chocolate eyes.

"I love you too, Elliot." She moved forward and kissed him, forcing him back onto the sofa, he went willingly pulling her with him. With their bodies entwined on the sofa on a cold Friday night in December, words were no longer necessary.

"Ooooooooooo," was Olivia's last clear comment on the new arrangement.


End file.
